Open Kitchens
Home is where the heart is. More specifically, its the kitchens that most families are built around. Not just the gastronomic adventures that decorate our platters, but the way a family treats the creative space of cooking may define what the individuals go on to make of their lives.
Traditionally home kitchens have remained the women’s bastion (though the men have attained greater celebrity status while pursuing it professionally!). One could perhaps trace the reason to our evolutionary roots of the men being hunter gatherers while the women essayed the role of the care giver at home. However it has been more than a billion years since that fact garnered attention and though so much has changed in terms of gender defined roles, when it comes to donning the chef’s hat, we haven’t seen the needle move much. My musings stem from the observations of having been a supportive daughter, working professional and a conscious mother. Roles of responsibility that women in our society portray.
The lockdown has accentuated our need to be self reliant in spheres of life that we were otherwise comfortable outsourcing to technology or cheap labour. But what is it about food and the preparation of it that drives women to the fore ? Why is it important to dole out “all healthy meals” (including that protein-rich cookie!!) to the whole family ? and more curiously, WHY does it have to be done only by them!?
For starters, as contrary as it may seem to one’s belief, I think , most women are unable to let go off the feeling of control when it comes to nurturing through food. Maybe the mothering instinct just kicks in! Let me share my thoughts of the probable reasons behind that.
- Feeding the ego : Most of us women derive a strong sense of purpose when we are in charge of “our kitchens”. Deciding menus, the quality/brand of staples, replenishing the fridge, experimenting cuisines, are all activities that take a great deal of our time. Our involvement through each detail consumes us and gives us (perhaps a false ) sense of being busy.
- Churning orthodox notions : Irrespective of whether it is a working professional or working for home woman, cooking as a skill ( and being extraordinary at that !) defines womanhood. This is by far the most self deprecating philosophy that women can hand down to each other. We are more judgmental about ourselves that we barely need to raise the flag of feminism here! I have been part of ‘group discussions’ where employing cooks is seen as an excuse for the woman of the house to shirk her responsibilities or one lacking goals! Whatever happened to raising a family and living her dreams as applicants to that category?
To analyse even the simple act of how meals turn up at our tables each day would make us realize the complex clockwork precision with which the routines are carried out, the success of which depends on attention to detail. A quality we associate women to possess. But then what are we missing out in the bargain ?
Food preparation is an act of labour that demands one’s time and energy in a continuous , cyclical pattern. The alternatives of not cooking are not very attractive healthy options and therefore never quite make it to the priority list of most women ( believe me, this includes working women and even women who employ cooks !). But there is another lens that I would like to look through.
Why not make our kitchens truly open? Open to access . Open to self sufficiency. Open to family building.
Kitchens need to be viewed as the place to prepare your meals just like a workspace. How come we all use the rest-(of the)-rooms (pun intended!) to suit our other needs but expect our basic need for food to be brought to our mouths? Fathers being Mommies for Sundays and cooking eggs gets celebrated. The husbands having a flair for preparing the “best biriyani” on special guest visits make for good conversation starters. Even couples enjoying the occasional romantic idea of cooking dinner together cannot qualify as sharing the responsibility. Its high time now that we get past those mirages that make it appear that cooking is non-gender specific. After all when it takes away prime time (by that I mean years) of what capable women could otherwise achieve by being a part of a workforce if only this aspect was truly shared at home, we as a society need to take note of it.
Let me dish out a few ideas with my creative liberty.
- Go beyond procurement : Get involved in the process of planning of meals through the week. Identify and commit to which meals you would prepare start to end , or with assistance based on your level of experience. Needless to say, follow up on your word!
- Familiarise your workspace : When you frequent “this” space of your house, you are more likely to discover patterns of arrangements of the ingredients as well as the tools. Challenge yourself to figure it out without having to give a shout out for finding that big wok which was anyways hanging by your side wall:-)
- Role model it : If you are a parent, you want to demonstrate the idea of equal opportunity by living it. So make sure you can role model how to leave your kitchen once your work is done. Cooking up a storm and leaving the other to clean up behind you doesn’t quite make the cut.
- Peel off the control : This is more directed towards women who need to get it all right from the very first time and every single time following that! Be open to minor mishaps in ‘your kitchen’. Afterall, its a step towards “Our Kitchen” .There’s a world of possibilities for you to realise, if only you can hold back from jumping in mid way.
This post is a reminder that cooking is not an art, it is hard labour. It is a responsibility we all need help with. It is a basic life skill that we need to encourage our families to learn. It is a precursor to building a more contributing women workforce, which will eventually shape the world.
